We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, P. 122
The book may not have aged well and the world it was written in was very different from today’s yet we all can take something away from its reading — much like I can always take something away from a meeting and learn from the experiences others share. Moreover, there is much on the pages that I can connect to my own experience, in turn connecting to others through sharing the life I have lived.
Growing up I was driven by self-seeking and lived for achievements & accolades. When I found I wasn’t getting what I wanted or succeeding as expected, I lived to drink and my focus was on strategizing and resource management around the opportunity to drink. Then, I drank to shut out the life around me and to numb the existence I had.
In recovery and over time, I became aware of how all of this was driven by fear. Fear of failing. Fear of embrassament. Fear of others seeing the real me. Fear of living an authentic life.
From Buddhism, I connected my life experience to the truth that Clinging and Craving are the source of Suffering. Clinging to the past and what is gone; Craving what I didn’t have.
Listening to others and focusing not on our differences but on what is alike in each of us, I know fear is the common factor.
Fearing the future, regretting the past. Never in the present moment.
Be here now, embrace the fear, and then find freedom from it.
